I dare you to move.

Wed, 05 May 2004 23:27:40 GMT

i have the best friends on the planet.

stolen from misssssssss carrieeeee =)

Wed, 05 May 2004 00:39:23 GMT

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.

You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.

You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.

This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You a Girl or Woman? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Mon, 03 May 2004 02:28:04 GMT

i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic i will be optomistic

i fucking will be optomistic.

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 21:35:43 GMT

i am absolutly astounded by the amazing amount of love i have recieved thusfar today.
more later.
love.

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 23:16:27 GMT

someone said something really funny today.
i was standing in line for my gourmet dining hall dinner and behind me in line was this group of like 5 kids. two of them had bright, firey red hair.

"It feels like the second day of hanukkah!"

heh.
heheheh.
heh.

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 03:01:16 GMT

life has taught me that some things just arent worth a second look and the things that are make every moment worth living. :)

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 13:58:11 GMT

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 19:31:56 GMT

<333 thank you for being so fucking supportive. i mean it. <33333

amazing

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 02:07:43 GMT

You are spoon guy. You should have planned ahead
buddy, or packed a bigger lunch.

which rejected character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 21:23:59 GMT

lets see, brief rundown of events.
i got a gorgeous ring->
i made dave pretend to care, he was pretty good at pretending!
we saw eternal sunshine, that was neato as previously mentioned
i went to visit grandma
shes doing very well thank you everyone who asked
drinking vanilla almond tea from borders
bought mommy flowers
happy birthday matt
happy birthday matt
happy birthday matt
happy birthday matt
happy birthday matt
happy birthday matt
happy birthdayyyyy:)

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 03:43:03 GMT

eternal sunshine of a spotless mind was an absolutly brilliant movie. i cant think of anything to better suit the mood i've been in. go see it. unless youre a stupid fuck.

by the way

This Is Not An Exit by Saves the Day makes me seriously feel good.
listen to it.

unless youre a stupid fuck.
=)

lolol

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 03:36:52 GMT

SmilinGal9: women should be allowed to beat the shit out of men that hurt them
SmilinGal9: it should be in the bill of rights

i dont know if that ammendment would be approved but either way... lol

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 01:59:46 GMT

Who will you be stuck with at end of time? by chi_a_baidh
Your name is
Your sex is
Your favorite color is
You are stuck there because	you escaped a nuclear war
For _____ years	34
With
He/She will think you are	sexy
You will	make a coconut radio

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

oh boy jennifer aniston thinks im sexy! =P

Fri, 02 Apr 2004 18:23:08 GMT

a guy walks up to a buddhist hot dog vendor and orders a dog with mustard. the guy gives the buddhist a 20. the buddhist give the guy his hot dog. the guy goes "where's my change?" the buddhist replies "change comes from within"

cool joke.
cool kid. =)

whaaaa?

Fri, 02 Apr 2004 02:39:06 GMT

Untitled 42
*********************************
Fire blinds the idiot;
Daylight sparks the flame.
But brightness
Comes
With shadows
Where loss is all that’s
Gained.
It sizzles and incinerates;
Attempts to quell, in vain.
For the truth
Always
Is unfurled
Where lies go
Unrestrained.

*********************************

i havent written a poem with any kind of rhyme in it for like a year?!

random inspiration

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 05:16:02 GMT

Untitled 41
***************************
Lies explode from his lips like shrapnel.
Blood and tears stain the pavement that
Pushes gravity from beneath the shaking legs of
The wounded soldier.
The chunks of fleshy emotion
Spatter and hit the ground
Like the drumming of a tragic tune;
Of a burial march.
At attention, company.
The funeral has begun.
He stands in the back, propped against the wall-
It’s the only thing he can find willing to support him.
***************************

im not sure im entirely satisfied with that yet, but it's a work in progress.
or is it, i'm a work in progress?

feh.

Tue, 30 Mar 2004 05:09:01 GMT

ten minutes of crying on the phone in the hallway can change your life.

want to know how?
just ask.

Sun, 21 Mar 2004 22:54:51 GMT

DaStrikaTAnK: does all of ur creativity stem from ur ass or sumin?

Untitled #40

Sat, 20 Mar 2004 15:38:24 GMT

***************************
As the infant's hand that
Reaches blindly for the breast
Instinctively
I clutch and grab
For that distant
Sun, but
Can never
Take
Hold.
The golden nectar seeps
Down from the sky and
Drips between my fingertips;
A simple tease
Of some comfortable degrees
That oozes down amidst
The pouring,
Pooring
Rain.
I find myself, here,
Soaking wet
With the taste of
Honey
On my lips.
***************************

in other news,
OH MY GOD, seriously... SERIOUSLY... grow up!! please!!!!!!
i'm not a fucking moron but it seems like you must be!!!
GR
OW
UP

kthnksby

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 19:55:21 GMT

i absolutly love how the day after i write my entry about how i hate arrogant fucks i see the most pathetic display of human arrogance ive ever seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen and i can hardly control my laughter and it makes me feel about 100 times better about life in general

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 21:42:43 GMT

check out how exciting i am!

(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
(*) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
(_) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(*) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(*) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TO JAPAN
(*) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(*) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
(*) I NEVER HAD SEX
(*) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
(*) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
(*) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
(*) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(*) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
(*) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(*) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN ARRESTED
(*) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
(*) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(*) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE
(_) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
(_) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
(*) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(*) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TO EUROPE
(_) I NEVER HAVE SKIPPED SCHOOL
(*) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FISTED AND/OR HAVE NEVER FISTED ANYONE
(*) I NEVER HAVE THROWN UP IN A BAR
(*) I NEVER HAVE PURPOSELY SET A PART OF MYSELF ON FIRE
(*) I NEVER HAVE EATEN SUSHI
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN SNOWBOARDING
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH MYSELF
(_) I NEVER HAVE LIVED ALONE
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN A LIMO
(*) I NEVER CHEATED ON A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND
(*) I NEVER HAVE BEEN ENGAGED

this can mean one of two things.

i need to live a little.

or i am morally superior. hmmm.

pompous jerky people piss me off. what i have found is that most of the time people who are so full of themselves are really more insecure than anyone. they feel like they have to boast their "good" (yes, quote- unquote) qualities in order to mask their (abundance of) bad ones. and most of the time, these boastings are of things like physical appearance, which is something that we have limited control over. for someone to be like, oh i am so hot i have a gorgeous smile-- to be proud of yourself for that is kind of lame. i mean thats fine that you think you have a nice smile but realize that you could just as easily have had a smile like [this guy] and you'd still have little to thank short of genetics. for reasons such as this, we need to realize that physical appearance is a shallow basis for just about anything regarding personal relationships. on the contrary, i do think it is important to maintain your looks, be you blessed or cursed by the genetic gods. i think its important to take care of things within our own realm of control; for example, grooming. don't get me wrong, if you're the smelly kid because you naturally have a stinky odor then im very sorry for you, or if you're the pizza face because of genetics, or the chubby kid (weee!) because of the likes, then by all means. what i suppose im getting at here is, im too fucking picky and should be deported to Canada or perhaps Mexico.

thank you and have a nice day.

addendum: this is about no one in particular. can we grow up people?

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 20:49:35 GMT

DOUBLE-YOU TEE EFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so my stats professor offered to wait outside the lecture hall today after lecture to give out our exam grades and averages thusfar incase anyone was afraid they may need to drop, since the drop-deadline is steadily approaching. mind you, the lecture hall holds 500 students, most of whom you may assume were not in danger of failing and thusly shouldn't have any urgency to get their exam grades right away. myself, on the other hand... i was 100% positive i failed the exam and wanted to find out my average so that i could drop if i needed to. so i go and wait with the mob of students that attacked this poor little man and im hearing him call out their grades.... "you got a 97 on the exam, and have an A..... you got an 89 on the exam and you have an A-....."

WHY ARE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS WASTING EVERYONES TIME!!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU GOT A BAZILLION POINTS CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL THURSDAY TO RECIEVE YOUR GRADE!!!!!! DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WERE IN DANGER OF FAILING, YOU FUCKS!!!!!??!?!??!!!

ahemmm... sorry... anyway.... so i stood there in line for 15 mins and was late to my next class, and only two of the people besides myself had grades below a B- and had any need to show up on that damned line. it really pissed me off. he said specifically that this was to help the kids who might need to drop. i didnt need to wait there for all that time behind all the people who just wanted to be reassured of their pure statistical genius.

in any case, i luckily did not fail as i was certain i did. i got a 76, and have a C right now, so im going to bust my ass even more than i have been in attempts to pull it up to a C+. i'll probably end up with an A- in symphony, a B or B+ in history, a C+ in psych and a C in stats. the last two im gonna try damned hard to keep up up up up....... but compared to my 3.775 last semester, this semester is pure poo. :( fucking depression.

okayyyy i love you byebyee

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 14:39:11 GMT

i'm about to leave. im not even gone yet and i already miss everyone.
i have a feeling this will be an amazing fucking summer.
the most amazing.

on another note, i went to the therapist yesterday and for some reason i dont want to go back like i usually do. once she started questioning me on cutting i kind of felt like i wanted to just get up and run right at that moment. she asked if i would stop, and i said i already did, because the reason that i was doing it in the first place has so little leverage in my life anymore that im tempted to say i couldnt give a shit anymore even if i wanted to. i've really only done it in extreme situations anyway. she asked if i was suicidal and i said no, but i wasnt sure if i was lying or not; thats probably not the best sign. she kept asking, "are you sure" and i just kept shaking my head and continued talking right over her because i sort of didnt want to hear it. i kind of thought once i stopped caring about what happened i would feel better. i definitely stopped giving a shit about basically everyone and everything at binghamton in itself short 4 or so people all together because i realized that they're definitely the only ones on that entire fucking campus worth even a second of my time. so why am i still deeply wounded? and why do i still have these nightmares?

last night, i dreamed i was watching a group of little girls and they all came up and hugged me except one, so i went up to her after and she shook my hand. i look at my hand after and theres blood all over it. and i cant find the little girl. i go into whatever building it is that i see and the entire floor is a pool of blood and the little girl is laying in it. i eventually became immersed in blood trying to rescue her until help came. then i went into a bathroom to try to wash off and there were frogs in all the sinks and all over the place so i couldnt wash off. then i realized i was late for an exam which i couldnt locate, and the path i was trying to take was covered with snakes so i couldnt get there.

its like, my life is giving me the ample opportunities to be happy, but my brain is spoiling it for me. thanks a lot bitch.

edit: DREAM DICTIONARY SAYS:
Blood: Essence. Life energy. Unfortunate love affairs. Severe disappointment.
Child: Innocence
Snake: A snake ready to strike means treachery from one you least expected; killing it means victory over enemies. (AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...)
Frog: They are related with health problems and may cause no little distress among those of your family.

SO let me see, how can this POSSIBLY relate to my life?? Innocence and a death surrounded by unfortunate love affairs and severe disappointment!! HAHA! and then trying to wash clean of this disappointment and not being able to because of a health problem (depression much?) and then running to something but being blocked by trechery from someone you least expected!! way to be, brain!!! you know what goes on!....

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 06:40:17 GMT

this "break" is going way too fast....

i need a second to breathe before i can update on ANY of this
but i have to say

i really do love my group of friends.
they dont ALL need to be there to support me emotionally.
i just need one person or two people to be supertight with (check!),
and it makes for everything else to be so much more fucking fun.

everything is sinking (back?) into place.

Edit:Just had to add in my last little analogy.
Tonight for me was soul-food. And tonight has left me satisfied but never full. <333

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 04:06:40 GMT

while it certainly nauseates me, the interesting thing, is....

all i can do is just shake my head and laugh; knowing...
this is what they call strength, i guess...
:) :)
....

fin